We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
