yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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