So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
