how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
