Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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