i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
