Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
