Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
