They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
