omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
