She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
