dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
