dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
