omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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