Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
