dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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