I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
