glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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