Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
