we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
