today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
