I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
