im about as happy as oj after his trial
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We are two peas in an std pod
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
