just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
