I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
