...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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