He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
