I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
