That's intense
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
