Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
