I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
