so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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