My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
