babies were throwing up all over the place
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
