I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
