I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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