So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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