Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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