who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
