kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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