By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
