I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
