No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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