So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
