whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
