That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
