how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
