im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
