You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
