I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
