He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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