You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
