She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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