Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
