i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
