I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
