But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
